


in the wrong place trying to make it right

by Lire_Casander



Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Alex Is His Own Warning, Angst, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, M/M, Mentions of Abusive Relationships, Mentions of overdosing, Panic Attacks, mentions of cheating, mentions of suicidal ideation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:47:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24269197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lire_Casander/pseuds/Lire_Casander
Summary: alex and tk have a little heart to heart
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, TK Strand/Alex (mentioned)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 160





	in the wrong place trying to make it right

**Author's Note:**

  * For [curlyhairedgirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/curlyhairedgirl/gifts).



> Prompt: **TK and Alex's convo at the hospital from your last fic.** This is set in my [with all the sorrow and the joy](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23908105/chapters/57484348) universe. Please heed the warnings.
> 
> Title comes from _Come Home_ by OneRepublic.
> 
> Beta'ed by the always amazing [meloingly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/meloingly). Thanks a lot for your help with this!

Of course the first time TK sees Alex, after everything, he has to be in a damned hospital bed. It’s the story of his life, really — meeting Alex at his lowest, and then getting over the pain on his own. 

Grace and Carlos are eyeing them both from their frozen spots — Grace next to the bed, Carlos in between Alex and the corridor. TK wants to scream in frustration, but his head is beginning to ache and he knows overthinking whatever kind of joke fate has thrown his way will only worse the pain. 

“Alex?” Carlos repeats with a frown. TK wants to reassure his boyfriend that everything is fine, but heʼd be lying. 

His heart is thumping in his chest, his gaze jumping from Alex to Carlos — from his past to his present — back and forth, until his eyes hurt. He lifts a hand to his face, rubbing his fingers on his skin as a hiding mechanism. He isn’t ready for this, whatever it is, and he would gladly go back to his second coma of the year only to skip this uncomfortable situation. 

“Apparently you know who I am,” Alex says carefully. “But Iʼm afraid I donʼt know who _you_ are.” 

TK can see the moment Carlos has to inhale deeply, a calming mechanism as to not retaliate immediately. He counts to five, and with British punctuality Carlos answers the unspoken question behind Alex’s words. “Iʼm Carlos Reyes,” he introduces himself with a monotone voice, as though heʼs fighting against himself for control. “Itʼs normal that you donʼt know who I am, given that TK left you in New York and youʼve never once called to check in on him.” 

TK sees the way Alex straightens up, his frame slightly taller than Carlosʼ, in an attempt to intimidate him. He wants to laugh — he has yet to see Carlos Reyes fazed by anyone trying to threaten him. Alex doesn’t stand a chance against the stoic police officer. 

“I didn’t know you had moved out of town until recently,” Alex chooses to say, looking once again at TK when itʼs evident that Carlos isn’t going to budge. “Henley told me a few weeks ago, a complete coincidence. I ran into him at Gobiʼs, and it surprised me that he was on his own. You two were inseparable.” 

TK lowers his head. He begins to play with the hem of the sheets, eyes stubbornly trained to the white seams as he allows Alex’s words to sink in. He hasnʼt told anyone here about Henley, only his father knows about his former best friend — the one he grew apart from slowly during the years he dated Alex, until whatever was left between Henley and himself couldn’t be considered anything more than acquaintances. 

“You know really well that I havenʼt spoken to Henley in years,” TK mutters. “You made quick work on that.” 

Graceʼs hand finds his, and she squeezes his fingers tight until he looks briefly up to meet her eyes. She’s staring back at him with pity in her eyes, but there’s something else, something TK canʼt decipher but that feels eerily similar to pride. 

“Then how did he know you werenʼt in the city anymore?” Alex’s words bore holes in his soul, but TK canʼt face him right now, so he chooses not to look up. 

“Sherry must have told him,” TK explains in a low voice. “My dad and hers are really close. And Iʼm sure my father told hers about moving out, but he left out the details.”

“How have you found TK?” Carlos intervenes, stepping up and into the room, brushing Alex on his way near the bed. 

“Itʼs a funny story, you know,” Alex starts to explain, only to cut himself off. “But I don’t have to tell it to _you_.” He throws a pointed look at Grace as well, and TK begins to feel uneasy underneath her gaze that moves quickly between TK and Alex. “Can we talk, privately?” he demands. 

TK has never been able to deny anything to the people he loves — his parents, his friends, his partners, _Carlos_ — so he nods. “Iʼll be fine,” he reassures Grace and Carlos, who are staring at him bewildered. “I promise.” 

“Like hell Iʼm leaving you alone with him,” Carlos protests. “You’re still recovering, this situation is only going to stress you even more.” 

“I agree with Carlos,” Grace tells him. “I donʼt want to leave you with him.”

“Iʼm a big boy,” TK says out loud, to no one in particular, freeing his hand from Graceʼs grip. “Itʼll be fine. Just a couple of minutes. Please,” he adds when Carlos refuses to move from his side. “I need this. I need closure, Carlos.” 

With a huff, Carlos shakes his head and escorts Grace outside of the room, nor before shooting Alex a killer glance that TK finds adorable. He knows that Carlos will most likely be hovering over the door, watching like a hawk, while Grace might or might not alert Judd — which means his father will know — so TK has little time. He doesn’t need much, really, not now that he feels he can face Alex in his own. 

When he looks back to Alex, whoʼs stepped closer to the be TK is bound to, he understands that there’s no such thing as being ready to face the only person with enough power in their hands to shake up his entire existence. 

“You wanted to talk,” he says, trying to control his voice so it doesn’t come out broken. “I donʼt think theyʼll give you more than a couple of minutes before bursting back in, so talk.” 

Alex shifts his weight from one feet to the other, suddenly too shy to look TK in the eye. It breaks his heart to see Alex like this — Alex, whoʼs always been so confident, reduced to a nervous puddle of shaking limbs in TKʼs presence. 

TK looks down once again, fidgeting with the sheets once again. He canʼt make sense of everything heʼs feeling right now, and heʼs all of a sudden scared of being in the same room as Alex. His ex boyfriend has never been violent — TK has learned in these months that the lack of violence doesn’t equal a lack of abuse, though — but there’s a turmoil inside of him at the mere sight of Alex that has him questioning a few of his choices. It doesn’t feel fair to Carlos, and TK has to remind himself that heʼs in this hospital bed because he wanted to apologize to Carlos in the first place. 

“Why are you in Austin, Alex?” he begins when itʼs obvious the other man isn’t going to speak. 

“My boyfriendʼs sister has had a baby girl,” Alex replies easily, as though talking about inane things feels more right than anything else. “He insisted I came along.” 

“Didn’t know Mitchell had family in Texas,” TK canʼt help himself, the words escaping his mouth before he can stop his tongue. 

“Uh, no, not Mitchell,” Alex says. Heʼs awkwardly standing in the middle of the room, closer to the door than to the bed, and although TK wouldn’t want Alex to get anywhere near him, he canʼt fight the feeling of loss making its way up to his heart — the sadness in Alex’s voice is palpable, and TK wishes he could comfort him before realizing that Alex hadnʼt been there to comfort him when his world had rocketed into a black hole. 

“What happened to Mitchell? To the love of your life?” TK doesn’t try to hide th sarcasm in his words, although his voice comes out low and unsure. 

There was a time when he thought Alex was his soulmate; heʼs starting to think maybe his heart hasnʼt gotten the memo, for itʼs somersaulting in his chest. _Traitor_ , he chastises himself. _Carlos is out there._

“He cheated in me,” Alex confesses. “I guess I deserved it, after what I did to you. I wanted to apologize, you know,” he adds. “But I couldn’t find you anywhere, your landlord told me you had sublet the apartment, and your phone—” he trails off. TK watches as Alex simply stands, looking at his feet as if they are the most interesting thing in the world. 

“I changed my number,” he feels obliged to explain. “I wanted a clean start over. You hurt me in so many ways, Alex.” 

“Is that why youʼre here?” 

TK huffs out a laugh. He doesn’t think heʼs heard correctly. “Excuse me? Do you really think Iʼd be pining over you so many months after you ditched me? On the night I proposed?” 

“You tell me,” Alex finally snaps, words viciously attacking TK. “Rumor has it that you overdosed that night. Henley told me. So yeah, Iʼd think youʼd still be recovering from _us_ if that had such an impact on you. I wouldn’t have believed it if anyone told me youʼd be getting frisky with some small town police officer merely _weeks_ after you declared your undying love for me.” 

TK blinks. He must be confused, Alex canʼt possibly be saying such terrible things, not to him — but heʼs done it before, the crushing and repetitive _Iʼm seeing someone else, I donʼt love you, I donʼt think Iʼve ever loved you_ echoing in his mind. 

“You have no right—” 

“Oh, but I do!” Alex cuts him off, taking a step toward the bed. TK recoils, but there’s no place for him to hide while heʼs hooked up to the machines beeping in the background. “Do you know how I felt when I knew you had fled the state, following your father like you always do, after we broke up? How it felt to know youʼd been willing to die for me, but through others? How betrayed I felt? You promised youʼd stopped using!” 

TK thinks he’s going to be sick. “I had stopped using!” he bellows, but those words take all the energy he has left, and he remains lying on his bed, panting for air, and trembling like a leaf wild in the wind.

“Keep telling yourself that,” Alex says, suddenly next to the bed, fingertips grazing TK’s arm. “You and I both know the truth. You and I both know that you’re so pathetically ashamed of yourself that you’d fall into a rebound trap just to not be alone. It would have been better if your father hadn’t saved you, TK. You can’t even go through with the only thing you’ve wanted more than anything, can you?”

TK wants to yell, he wants to scream, he wants to kick Alex out of the room, but he’s stuck in his spot, the machines keeping hims frozen on the bed, his eyes watering at the words being spewed at him. He feels his insides burning and he wants to fight Alex, but he isn’t strong enough — he’s never been strong enough to face Alex and stand his ground. 

TK is weak, far weaker than he thought, and he’s falling — there’s not enough air for him to keep breathing. He feels like suffocating. He’s aware he’s showing the beginnings of a panic attack — he’s had several during his years of dating Alex, always triggered by something he did to enrage his boyfriend — but he can’t stop it. He doesn’t know how to breathe properly. He’s dying.

He’s dying, and Alex is preying on him, watching his chest heaving up and down while he struggles to gulp in some air that doesn’t burn his lungs.

TK is almost fainting, his hands grabbing the sheets, and he’s fading away. He can’t—he’s _dying_.

Carlos bursts him through the door like the hero TK has always known he is, and he pushes Alex out of the way to reach the bed. “TK, I’m here, I’m here,” he repeats like a mantra, his strong hands caressing TK’s skin. “Breathe, slowly, here, match my breathing,” and one of those hands moves from TK’s arm to his chest, the other lifting TK’s hand until it’s pressed against the soft fabric of Carlos’ shirt.

“Get the hell out of here,” Carlos barks, staring at Alex briefly and ushering him out with a killer glance before focusing once again on TK.

Everything’s a blur after that — TK doesn’t really register when Alex leaves the room, or when Grace re-enters with a glass of water and some pills she coaxes him into taking, or Carlos helping him lie down on the bed after fluffing the pillows. TK keeps babbling, his words a slur as he doesn’t make sense, the fear crippling him.

“He’s right, he’s right, he’s right,” is the only thing he manages to choke out, trembling and crying hot tears he hasn’t known he’s had inside until they’re drenching Carlos’ shirt — and when did he take TK into his arms, when did he lower the bar of the bed so he could sit on the mattress next to TK — and TK just breaks down.

Carlos holds him through it all, whispering soothing nonsense in his ear as he rocks TK slowly, until the pills start to kick in and he loses all track of reality or consciousness.

The last coherent thought he has before falling into slumber is the pìercing realization that Alex has been right all along — TK should have _never_ survived that night.


End file.
